15 October 2014

let yourself be silently drawn by the strange pull of what you really love. it will not lead you astray. - rumi

I have midweek brain fog settling in pretty deep. On the weekend, I finally got all my laundry done! I had a bit of a backlog because the washer broke down, repairs took about a week & then everyone else in the building seemed to go crazy doing their laundry! I just wasn't interested to cart everything to the laundromat & back. So towels & sheets & tea towels built up until there was a mini-mountain of work to be done. It felt really good to have that clutter dealt with. Lately, I've been noticing that clutter has really begun to bother me. No idea why, but it makes me feel a bit frazzled & tense. 

The sunrise on Tuesday just about knocked me out. I almost felt like I was bathed in colour as I stood barefoot on my balcony. (In October to be barefoot in the morning! absolute craziness) It was akin to being underwater & feeling the hush of being underwater. That precise crystalline shimmer of water & sunlight as you look up to the surface. Fleeting, beautiful & haunting all at the same time.  

On Saturday, I sewed a new lining for my overly floppy bag from an old dress. It's still fairly floppy because I didn't use interfacing, but whatever. There should be some floppiness to this bag because it's got that bohemian vibe. I feel pretty proud of myself for putting slips pockets in that are deep enough to hold my cell phone & creating an opening so I can still use the zippered pocket on the original lining. Heck yeah. 

Played with gouache & pretty much love it. I bought a super cheap starter set to see if I liked working with gouache. It dries super fast, so I am glad I started off cheap. I haven't compared to a higher end brand, but I'm pretty happy just playing & experimenting. Getting back into drawing is getting those neurons in my brain firing again. I feel a bit awkward as I start to draw but it's also amazing to stretch into those spaces again. 

Remains of the apple crisp I made for myself the other week. It was so good I may have made unbecoming moaning noises while eating it. Next time I make it I need to add more oats, a bit less sugar & cut the apples a bit chunkier. Oh yes.  

28 September 2014

sacred space

"Most people are afraid of suffering. But suffering is a kind of mud to help the lotus flower grow.
There cannot be a lotus flower without the mud." Thich Nhat Hanh

I have been feeling really fatigued lately. Downright exhausted. Not exactly physically, although with the fatigue I've been dropping off to sleep much earlier at night. The fatigue & exhaustion I've been feeling was more like a drain of energy, or spirit, some indefinable quality that just wasn't getting replenished each day. This did make me feel physically tired. Tonight, I felt my reserves begin to fill up.
Shadows & Light. 
I've realized that I've been taking on other people's emotions. Completely unconsciously. I just intuit what is going on around me & adapt to it. I went out last night to grab a sub because I was starving. I flicked through the radio stations & just left it on some dance music. It was way too stimulating, but at the same time I liked it. There were teenagers about, strolling through the parking lot, looking for entertainment, danger, an excuse to be out & about. They were pumped full of energy, primal as a jungle cat stalking its prey. The energy of a Saturday night was actually overwhelming to me. Thank heavens the sub shop was deserted!

I didn't invoke shining clouds of white light or clutch a crystal to my bosom to create a protective cloak for myself. I cleared out the random flotsam of clutter that was piled on the floor beside my desk & it seems like this small action released something inside of me. A knot I didn't know was twisted inside. Internal feng shui? I don't know, but my place felt different this morning.

the sacred space of the kitchen table.

Also, I made a proper meal from scratch & ate it in silence,  no tv, no music, just savouring each bite, the clink of fork & knife on my plate, the cool, clear water I drank. Oh, and I took a nap this afternoon too. I deserved one since I did not sleep in on Saturday or Sunday. Waking up without an alarm at 6:47 am on a Sunday morning is just terrible. I'm pretty sure it's against the law.

21 September 2014


I found this robin's egg blue bookcase at one of the thrift shops after having coffee with a friend. It followed me home. Obviously. Totally loved that I didn't have to build a hutch & only had to clean the dust off. I think a young girl owned this bookcase before if the small dab of sparkly nail polish I noticed on a shelf is a clue.

The way the light makes the glass shine just so really makes me feel happy. Also, the colour is just ... ah-mazing. Like, seriously. How could you not respond to robin's egg blue? Now that this area is uncluttered, the way the kitchen feels to me has really changed. I sort of stop in my tracks every time I walk in there, feeling a bit surprised. Also, since this vignette is visible in the living room, the calmness & order is starting to spill over into other spaces. Strange isn't it, how such a small thing can make such a huge difference. 

16 September 2014

peace out

tea on the couch on Saturday, shoulda stayed there on Sunday.

I didn't fully honour how fatigued I felt this weekend. Stupid premenstrual fatigue. Every month I sort of forget about the fatigue & how it utterly knocks me out. Literally, the fatigue is so strong, I want to go to bed at 8:30 pm. Also, my emotions tend to rocket off into extreme directions, and have wicked food cravings. Then, when I realize what has been going on, the light goes on that I don't have a cold (or so I hope. I sneezed a bunch of times this afternoon. some bug is percolating around the office.) & I'm not lazy.

On Sunday, I kept pushing through the feeling of needing to sleep because I was trying to write & forced myself to stay awake in the afternoon. It wasn't the right decision. I couldn't stay awake & missed my show! Dang. I just felt irritable & headachy & exhausted in the end. I was struggling with feeling lazy. That word is so loaded for me. I kept beating myself up for not feeling able to get much done this weekend. I don't know why I expect so much from myself, I just do. I need to dial it back a bit when I'm not at full power! Show myself some compassion.

09 September 2014

disturbing dreams & the stealth of autumn

I had a terrible dream last night that deeply rattled me. I woke up in the middle of it because I found it so disturbing. Then, I simply could not fall back asleep. I was awake from 2:30 am to almost 4:00 am. Probably later if truth be told, but I refused to look at the clock to check the time. If I know the time, I obsess about not being able to fall asleep. I felt very restless & paced around the apartment a few times! I'm sure it was the full moon that made me restless. I usually feel keyed up around the full moon.

After my alarm went off & I struggled out of bed, this beautiful sky greeted me.

multi-coloured clouds
In the other direction was a solid wall of grey which covered the sky less than half an hour later. I sense Autumn feeling her way toward me like a cat, muscles rippling under her skin, eyes glowing a warm golden amber. Stealthy, determined, sensual, hungry.

07 September 2014

New Perspectives

I picked up a 6 foot long plank on Friday night. I have wanted to make a long, low shelf on this wall for like ever. I have a lot going on this wall, so I felt lthat it needed to be a bit more streamlined.

Now I can see how easy it would be to make a bookcase with some ingenuity. So tempted to turn this wall into a large bookcase ... But I dearly love the gallery wall too. At the very least, I now have an idea how to make the upper shelf to sit on top of my hutch.

06 September 2014

spirit of the weekend

A huge, crazy storm went through here on Friday morning. I had the wipers on full blast & still could barely see. During the storm, an 18 year old University of Waterloo student took shelter under a tree & was killed by lightning. I just can't wrap my head around the senselessness of it.

Time for journalling.

Last night, the storm blew back through. I watched the line of clouds approaching. It was terrifying. At first the clouds were whitish gray, then suddenly, black. The clouds looked ... unnatural. Luckily the downpour & thunder & lightning didn't last long. My hydro only flickered briefly, once just enough to knock the tv off. It was an intense storm.

I've been working through The Desire Map by Danielle Laporte & it's amazing & rocking my world & scary & difficult & illuminating. I keep feeling the need to take wee breaks in between diving in. It's deep soul work. I'm pondering heavy stuff!

I'm going to make some lunch soon, possibly head out to a cafe. I'm really feeling like buying art supplies!

Heart leaf on the dash.
The washing machine is finally fixed! It's so quiet now I could barely hear it. Luckily, I swooped in after someone else to get a load done. I just have towels & sheets to do, but I'm not feeling like doing that today.