21 September 2014


I found this robin's egg blue bookcase at one of the thrift shops after having coffee with a friend. It followed me home. Obviously. Totally loved that I didn't have to build a hutch & only had to clean the dust off. I think a young girl owned this bookcase before if the small dab of sparkly nail polish I noticed on a shelf is a clue.

The way the light makes the glass shine just so really makes me feel happy. Also, the colour is just ... ah-mazing. Like, seriously. How could you not respond to robin's egg blue? Now that this area is uncluttered, the way the kitchen feels to me has really changed. I sort of stop in my tracks every time I walk in there, feeling a bit surprised. Also, since this vignette is visible in the living room, the calmness & order is starting to spill over into other spaces. Strange isn't it, how such a small thing can make such a huge difference. 

16 September 2014

peace out

tea on the couch on Saturday, shoulda stayed there on Sunday.

I didn't fully honour how fatigued I felt this weekend. Stupid premenstrual fatigue. Every month I sort of forget about the fatigue & how it utterly knocks me out. Literally, the fatigue is so strong, I want to go to bed at 8:30 pm. Also, my emotions tend to rocket off into extreme directions, and have wicked food cravings. Then, when I realize what has been going on, the light goes on that I don't have a cold (or so I hope. I sneezed a bunch of times this afternoon. some bug is percolating around the office.) & I'm not lazy.

On Sunday, I kept pushing through the feeling of needing to sleep because I was trying to write & forced myself to stay awake in the afternoon. It wasn't the right decision. I couldn't stay awake & missed my show! Dang. I just felt irritable & headachy & exhausted in the end. I was struggling with feeling lazy. That word is so loaded for me. I kept beating myself up for not feeling able to get much done this weekend. I don't know why I expect so much from myself, I just do. I need to dial it back a bit when I'm not at full power! Show myself some compassion.

09 September 2014

disturbing dreams & the stealth of autumn

I had a terrible dream last night that deeply rattled me. I woke up in the middle of it because I found it so disturbing. Then, I simply could not fall back asleep. I was awake from 2:30 am to almost 4:00 am. Probably later if truth be told, but I refused to look at the clock to check the time. If I know the time, I obsess about not being able to fall asleep. I felt very restless & paced around the apartment a few times! I'm sure it was the full moon that made me restless. I usually feel keyed up around the full moon.

After my alarm went off & I struggled out of bed, this beautiful sky greeted me.

multi-coloured clouds
In the other direction was a solid wall of grey which covered the sky less than half an hour later. I sense Autumn feeling her way toward me like a cat, muscles rippling under her skin, eyes glowing a warm golden amber. Stealthy, determined, sensual, hungry.

07 September 2014

New Perspectives

I picked up a 6 foot long plank on Friday night. I have wanted to make a long, low shelf on this wall for like ever. I have a lot going on this wall, so I felt lthat it needed to be a bit more streamlined.

Now I can see how easy it would be to make a bookcase with some ingenuity. So tempted to turn this wall into a large bookcase ... But I dearly love the gallery wall too. At the very least, I now have an idea how to make the upper shelf to sit on top of my hutch.

06 September 2014

spirit of the weekend

A huge, crazy storm went through here on Friday morning. I had the wipers on full blast & still could barely see. During the storm, an 18 year old University of Waterloo student took shelter under a tree & was killed by lightning. I just can't wrap my head around the senselessness of it.

Time for journalling.

Last night, the storm blew back through. I watched the line of clouds approaching. It was terrifying. At first the clouds were whitish gray, then suddenly, black. The clouds looked ... unnatural. Luckily the downpour & thunder & lightning didn't last long. My hydro only flickered briefly, once just enough to knock the tv off. It was an intense storm.

I've been working through The Desire Map by Danielle Laporte & it's amazing & rocking my world & scary & difficult & illuminating. I keep feeling the need to take wee breaks in between diving in. It's deep soul work. I'm pondering heavy stuff!

I'm going to make some lunch soon, possibly head out to a cafe. I'm really feeling like buying art supplies!

Heart leaf on the dash.
The washing machine is finally fixed! It's so quiet now I could barely hear it. Luckily, I swooped in after someone else to get a load done. I just have towels & sheets to do, but I'm not feeling like doing that today.

24 August 2014

out of gas

I had a dream earlier this week that my car was almost out of gas & was dinging that it was on fumes. I desperately needed to find a gas station. In that strange surreal way of dreams, I asked people in front of me, even though I was inside a car, directions to the gas station. Once I located the gas station, I put my car on a conveyor belt since it shrank down to being toy size. As the conveyor belt slowly rolled forward, I looked for the gas nozzle. There were other people also with their cars on the conveyor belt. I found a tool & as I was using it I realized it was a tiny vacuum, shaped like a pencil ... a really fat pencil & it vacuumed up the grit & dust, but it wasn't what I was looking for. It wasn't the fuel I needed.

The sense of panic of running out of gas was large. I refused to ask for help on which implement was actually the gas nozzle to fill up. I was afraid of asking for some reason. It felt like I was being tested or judged. There would have been some kind of dire consequences or something.

Sure, I had a quarter of a tank left in the real car, & I kept meaning to fill it up, so it's easy to hand wave this dream away as anxiety about a simple chore. The dream felt more like a message to me. So I took a deeper meaning from being 'out of gas' that I wasn't filling up my well quickly enough. I am depleting something essential that isn't been replenished as quickly as I use it. It felt like I was on the wrong path or going the wrong way.

like waking from a beautiful dream and you are still here. journal seen at chapters.

I've been feeling rather tired of late. My legs & feet have been incredibly achy ... I'm assuming from the cute, but unsupportive sandals from Target I've been wearing. Also, sitting for 8 hours a day is incredibly bad for the body & soul. Yesterday I made the conscious decision to go back to bed for a nap in the afternoon. I felt headachy, tired & worn out. Despite the fact that it was a gorgeously sunny & warm day which has been quite rare this summer! I had to battle to get past the notion that I would be wasting this beautiful day if I took a nap. Since I set my alarm for an hour, & had a hard time waking up when that hour was over, it was pretty clear to me that I really, really needed that nap.

It occurred to me that I've been pushing through this tiredness, achiness & soul drought time & time again, instead of surrendering to it all. Stopping & resting when I need to. Rejuvenating. Letting my soul fill up again.

I went for a walk after dinner earlier this week, just after it rained. The truck shop was making a lot of racket that night & it was jangling my nerves. I needed peace & quiet. I came around the bend & saw this crazy hedge with new growth tendrils reaching outwards. I felt like this hedge, on the inside, all these little tendrils just reaching out into space. There was something so tender & beautiful about these tendrils that it brought a tear or two to my eye. There are quite a few big old trees in my neighbourhood & being under them felt like I was in a sacred space. Especially with everything dripping with raindrops & smelling of the wild earth & growing things.

15 August 2014

blue skies

I knocked the curtain rod off the living room window this morning. It's still lying on the floor where it fell. I'll fix it shortly so I can have a bit of privacy when it gets dark out. I'm still trying to decide what I want for dinner, & I better get crackalackin' if I want to eat before dark. It's been a long week that actually felt pretty short. I just don't know where the time has gone. It seems like it was only June last week. Now it's mid-August.

I got new tires on the car yesterday! I am already noticing a huge difference. The ride feels smoother & quieter! I'll be paying them off for a bit, but it was a necessary purchase.

I already feel a bit chilly tonight. The weather has been a bit ridiculous lately. It looks so nice out, but it's really cold for this time of year! There is a tree on my street which is already turning colour. It's time for a sweater & to curl up under the quilt on the couch I think.