15 May 2015

on not dimming my light

shine on

Writing in my journal this morning, it occurred to me that my past relationship was based on insecurity. I remembered a very strange moment when I had been 'checked out' by another guy at a bookstore & my partner at the time was watching this happen. I on the other hand, had absolutely no idea anyone was checking me out nor that my former partner was even in that part of the store. As far as I knew, he had gone to look at books in another section of the store nowhere near where I was browsing.

As we got into the car to go home, the ex started ranting & raving about this random guy checking me out. I was only dimly aware of another person walking down the aisle I was in & I don't even think I looked at this guy or spoke to him. I simply listened to the ranting & raving for a few minutes despite the deep confusion I was suddenly immersed in. The ex apparently doubled back through the store so I didn't see him & he was watching me browsing. I felt a chill creep up my spine hearing that. The clear ringing of a warning bell started going off at that point. I kept quiet, struggling through the confusion of what the hell was actually going on, until the ex got to the point where he rambled on how I belonged to him. You know, like a hat. Or a sweater. Or a pile of comic books.

07 May 2015

live with intention

I am filling up with light.
I have been getting outside more & more. It feels so good to just move & gently notice & get spring fever & breathe. It's been crazy busy at the office, & the new neighbours are seriously stressful.

01 April 2015

signs of life

I grew very quiet over the winter & had a REALLY bad case of winter blahs. Or, because I had a really bad case of winter blahs, I got really quiet. Or both. And I mean BAD WINTER BLAHS. I am so glad the weather is warming up, but the snow is still not completely gone. It is supposed to be 17 degrees Celsius tomorrow & possibly snow on Saturday. Wacky April weather. 

sun! glorious sun!

I have been so happy seeing the sunrise lately. Just to have actual sunshine has been amazing. AHMAZING after months of deep, dark, cold greyness. 

the blah of blahness. boo.

Right? Brr. This was my street after a snowfall & hadn't been plowed yet. It was slippery as heck. (Heck is extremely slippery by the way.)  I totally prefer warmer weather and ACTUAL SUNSHINE. 

So I nested & hid under all the blankets & fortified myself with never ending cups of tea & rewatches of BBC's Pride & Prejudice (the only one in my opinion worth watching.) Everything was slow & quieter. I picked up my crochet hook again & made a scarf. I read a LOT. The other day I felt jangled & jumpy. So I tidied & cleared up my Expedit! It feels much calmer. 

I went for a walk on the weekend because I was itching to get out of the house. It was quite brisk but nice to be outside. As I cut across the lawn of the school on the corner, a van went by with a logo on it with a play on the word 'metamorphosis.' I thought that was really cool.
A nice jolt of synchronicity. 

24 January 2015

scattering seeds

One morning I woke up to this magical hoarfrost. It changed the whole city. Everything was sparkling & new & full of delight. Shimmering crystals still floated on the air as I walked to work, freezing the ends of my hair that weren't tucked under my hat. The blue! the white! ah. That contrast was sublime. Crazygood. It was beautiful & unexpected. A gift in the midst of dull, dark, grey days. 

Sunrise view from my bedroom window. Turns out dirty windows can be extraordinary. 

Current work in progress. Using a colour palette way outside my usual. 

I'm falling into the winter blahs. Feeling tired & dull & stupid. Wanting to sleep & sleep & sleep. Not wanting to go outside. Too many layers, boots, slush, cold, sharp winds, sharp air on my face, grey skies. It starts to weigh me down. Make me feel heavy & hardly able to drag myself through the routine of the day. 

I'm holding my breath. Waiting for Spring. It's coming, I know. I need to get outside. Get fresh air. Walk. Move. Find the space to breathe really deep & let it go. 

13 January 2015


playing with gouache

  • it's almost the middle of january
  • the weather is completely unbearable lately. lovely mild weather followed by brutally cold temperatures. 
  • i am moving slow in the mornings
  • i want to stay cocooned inside sweaters, under blankets. 
  • i'm craving softness
crazy aura-like light flare

  • i'm craving candlelight too. it nourishes me, feels like soul balm. (keeping track of my word of the year!)
  • candlelight feels more magical in the winter. I can't imagine what life would have been like pre-electricity. How utterly dark life would be during autumn & winter. 
  • apples dipped in peanut butter is the best afternoon snack. totally hitting sweet & salty
  • i'm sad because i only have one apple left (only bought 3 because that was all that wasn't bruised up)
  • my feet are hot in bright pink fuzzy socks & freezing when i take the socks off. 
  • sometimes middle ground is difficult to find
  • my thoughts trail off & my bed calls to me
  • i want to curl up & read

04 January 2015

hello 2015

word of the year for 2015
I've been selecting a word of the year for a few years now. I find this practice extremely illuminating & transformative. I posted the above image to the Find Your Word Facebook group set up by Susanna Conway. I was not prepared for the reaction it received. It blew me away. It was pivotal because I have decided to become an artist this year & get myself set up to actually sell prints & originals. Still got a long way to go before that part happens as there is so much learning & growing to do. It felt like I was coming home to myself. Being true to who I am.

Went out for brunch with an old friend today. Talked about my word & being an artist & wow & said that food = fuel (or it should.) I got home & stumbled across this post on Rebelle Society's Instagram. Goosebumpy synchronicity. I love that.

Full article here. Here's one way I've been nourishing myself, drinking tea & burrowing under the crocheted afghan. The weather has been distinctly weird lately ... warm, icy, snowy, rain.

tea & crocheted blanket

01 December 2014

beginnings & endings

Another weekend over ... and suddenly! it's December! The snow has come & gone (a few times). Yesterday was so warm I went out for a chai latte & brownie in a cardigan & scarf. Sans jacket! Ah, it was great. I have no idea where this past year has gone. It feels like the year has seriously flown by. It feels faster every time I get to this time in the calendar. Now it's time to start thinking on my one word for next year. Also, it's the time of year where I step back, look over the past year & see how far I've come. Oh Monday. Let's see what you've got hidden up your sleeve today. I would like it to be something sparkly, happy & pretty.

I spent a good portion of time on Saturday working on my Secret Santa gift for the office. I hope it's well received! I usually make jewellery for Secret Santa, but I didn't feel like doing that this year. I *may* pop in a pair of earrings inside the gift itself ... maybe. It's definitely a departure from my usual!

I couldn't get to the laundry this weekend due to a sheer lack of interest in doing it coupled with other people doing their laundry when I started thinking about doing mine. Oh well. Here's to putting together a wacky outfit for Monday!