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01 April 2015

signs of life

I grew very quiet over the winter & had a REALLY bad case of winter blahs. Or, because I had a really bad case of winter blahs, I got really quiet. Or both. And I mean BAD WINTER BLAHS. I am so glad the weather is warming up, but the snow is still not completely gone. It is supposed to be 17 degrees Celsius tomorrow & possibly snow on Saturday. Wacky April weather. 

sun! glorious sun!

I have been so happy seeing the sunrise lately. Just to have actual sunshine has been amazing. AHMAZING after months of deep, dark, cold greyness. 

the blah of blahness. boo.

Right? Brr. This was my street after a snowfall & hadn't been plowed yet. It was slippery as heck. (Heck is extremely slippery by the way.)  I totally prefer warmer weather and ACTUAL SUNSHINE. 

So I nested & hid under all the blankets & fortified myself with never ending cups of tea & rewatches of BBC's Pride & Prejudice (the only one in my opinion worth watching.) Everything was slow & quieter. I picked up my crochet hook again & made a scarf. I read a LOT. The other day I felt jangled & jumpy. So I tidied & cleared up my Expedit! It feels much calmer. 

I went for a walk on the weekend because I was itching to get out of the house. It was quite brisk but nice to be outside. As I cut across the lawn of the school on the corner, a van went by with a logo on it with a play on the word 'metamorphosis.' I thought that was really cool.
A nice jolt of synchronicity. 

24 January 2015

scattering seeds


One morning I woke up to this magical hoarfrost. It changed the whole city. Everything was sparkling & new & full of delight. Shimmering crystals still floated on the air as I walked to work, freezing the ends of my hair that weren't tucked under my hat. The blue! the white! ah. That contrast was sublime. Crazygood. It was beautiful & unexpected. A gift in the midst of dull, dark, grey days. 


Sunrise view from my bedroom window. Turns out dirty windows can be extraordinary. 


Current work in progress. Using a colour palette way outside my usual. 

I'm falling into the winter blahs. Feeling tired & dull & stupid. Wanting to sleep & sleep & sleep. Not wanting to go outside. Too many layers, boots, slush, cold, sharp winds, sharp air on my face, grey skies. It starts to weigh me down. Make me feel heavy & hardly able to drag myself through the routine of the day. 

I'm holding my breath. Waiting for Spring. It's coming, I know. I need to get outside. Get fresh air. Walk. Move. Find the space to breathe really deep & let it go. 


13 January 2015

now


playing with gouache

  • it's almost the middle of january
  • the weather is completely unbearable lately. lovely mild weather followed by brutally cold temperatures. 
  • i am moving slow in the mornings
  • i want to stay cocooned inside sweaters, under blankets. 
  • i'm craving softness
crazy aura-like light flare

  • i'm craving candlelight too. it nourishes me, feels like soul balm. (keeping track of my word of the year!)
  • candlelight feels more magical in the winter. I can't imagine what life would have been like pre-electricity. How utterly dark life would be during autumn & winter. 
  • apples dipped in peanut butter is the best afternoon snack. totally hitting sweet & salty
  • i'm sad because i only have one apple left (only bought 3 because that was all that wasn't bruised up)
  • my feet are hot in bright pink fuzzy socks & freezing when i take the socks off. 
  • sometimes middle ground is difficult to find
  • my thoughts trail off & my bed calls to me
  • i want to curl up & read


04 January 2015

hello 2015

word of the year for 2015
I've been selecting a word of the year for a few years now. I find this practice extremely illuminating & transformative. I posted the above image to the Find Your Word Facebook group set up by Susanna Conway. I was not prepared for the reaction it received. It blew me away. It was pivotal because I have decided to become an artist this year & get myself set up to actually sell prints & originals. Still got a long way to go before that part happens as there is so much learning & growing to do. It felt like I was coming home to myself. Being true to who I am.

Went out for brunch with an old friend today. Talked about my word & being an artist & wow & said that food = fuel (or it should.) I got home & stumbled across this post on Rebelle Society's Instagram. Goosebumpy synchronicity. I love that.



Full article here. Here's one way I've been nourishing myself, drinking tea & burrowing under the crocheted afghan. The weather has been distinctly weird lately ... warm, icy, snowy, rain.

tea & crocheted blanket

01 December 2014

beginnings & endings

Another weekend over ... and suddenly! it's December! The snow has come & gone (a few times). Yesterday was so warm I went out for a chai latte & brownie in a cardigan & scarf. Sans jacket! Ah, it was great. I have no idea where this past year has gone. It feels like the year has seriously flown by. It feels faster every time I get to this time in the calendar. Now it's time to start thinking on my one word for next year. Also, it's the time of year where I step back, look over the past year & see how far I've come. Oh Monday. Let's see what you've got hidden up your sleeve today. I would like it to be something sparkly, happy & pretty.


I spent a good portion of time on Saturday working on my Secret Santa gift for the office. I hope it's well received! I usually make jewellery for Secret Santa, but I didn't feel like doing that this year. I *may* pop in a pair of earrings inside the gift itself ... maybe. It's definitely a departure from my usual!

I couldn't get to the laundry this weekend due to a sheer lack of interest in doing it coupled with other people doing their laundry when I started thinking about doing mine. Oh well. Here's to putting together a wacky outfit for Monday!


18 November 2014

winter?


november 14, 2014
You should have seen my face the moment I pulled my curtains open on the 14th. There may have been a swear word or two. I had no idea that snow was even a possibility. I still have sandals under my desk at work. These grey days sap my energy, make me want to put on sweaters & two blankets & dive into a bucket of hot chocolate. Also, winter seems to have arrive a month early. I missed the slow descent into the cold, the morning full of liquid golden light & frost delicately layered over grass & windows. The seasons seems to have skipped that part entirely. Since this was the first snowfall, everybody in town seemed to forget how to drive in it. I was almost hit by a Mercedes who didn't look around the parked cars on the street before turning out almost directly into my path. The frustrating thing was that I was less than half a block to my parking lot for work. Luckily I didn't get hit, but it was a close call. My ABS brakes were doing their thing, but I was still sliding on the ice/snow that day. This morning, a Mercedes was behind me on the crawl to work & the driver had the nerve to flash their lights at me. Not sure what that was about. I couldn't go any faster since the traffic in front of me was crazy slow. That kind of rushing & being a jerk is what causes accidents. 

november 18, 2014
This morning as I looked out at a pale pink dawn to more snow & wind. So VERY windy. I could hear it whipping around the building all night. With the wind chill, it felt like -18C today apparently. That is ridiculously cold for this time of year. I broke out my North Face jacket this morning. This is a serious jacket that usually doesn't come out until the end of December, early part of January. The four block walk from the parking lot to the office was very cold. So, cold, that my thighs felt like they were burning.

I'm still in a bit of shock that it is winter already. I'm simply not quite emotionally prepared for it to have arrived yet!


08 November 2014

filling the void

My pewter keychain broke earlier this week. I thought I had simply dropped my set of keys for a split second. I was still in the fog of this cold. However, the hollow bonk! as the metal bounced off the bench, then hit the floor told me that the metal had actually worn through. Also, I realized I was still holding the actual keys in my hand. I was strangely upset when I realized the pewter keychain was no more.

a reservoir of grief. 

I've been carrying this pewter keychain since 1996. Every day. I bought it when I knew I was going to be leaving St. Catharines due to a horrible roommate situation, a distinct lack of a job & a limping return home. I hadn't told anyone else yet that I was going to leave. I just knew I couldn't stay. This keychain was a goodbye of sorts. 

Even though I loved this keychain, it was a huge reservoir of grief, longing & sadness. I didn't realize that at all until I started reminiscing on buying this keychain & the circumstances surrounding its purchase. Something so small & seemingly insignificant carried so much emotional baggage. It's mind blowing. One of my first thoughts after realizing the keychain was broken was a need to replace it with something new. If there is a sudden void, rush to fill it. 

I suppose it's a sign to lay down the grief, longing & sadness in my life.  I don't need to carry it around with me anymore. I was a bit bewildered by feeling upset that the keychain broke. Now it becomes clear ... it's time to let go of the past & move on. To let go of it all. With a lighter heart into joy.